Big Feelings about Parenting?

Sometimes worry about our kids feels endless. Am I doing the right thing? Am I alienating them? Am I pushing too hard? Am I not pushing enough? It goes on and on. All of this pressure to do it “right” can make us feel overwhelmed and stuck. Parenting from this place is less than ideal; we lose the forest through the trees. Let’s work together for 3-6 sessions to really understand what your parenting values are and how you can use them, instead of your big feelings, as a guide to support your child and ease your mind. 

I have been working with families with teens for 25 years, and over the past several years I have noticed a spike in parental anxiety; this has only been exacerbated by the pandemic. For some parents, this worry is a constant feeling in the back of the mind. For others, it stems from a specific issue or situation: a life transition, a change in the family, a move, anxiety or depression, arguments over rules/schoolwork/screen time. Whatever the case, it is so easy to get pulled into the big feelings and get stuck there. As a Registered Psychotherapist and high school guidance counselor, I see how this worry impacts parents and children alike. 

Drawing on my years of experience working with teens and their families in schools, with parents in my therapy practice, being a parent myself, as well as my training in Emotion Focused Individual, Couples, and Family Therapy, I work with parents and guardians to clarify their big picture parenting values, helping them get unstuck from the feelings and move closer to being the caregivers they want to be. We shift the focus from what we want them to do and get back to who you want to be.

Designed to be a brief exploration focusing on clarifying your values and taking helpful action, this work might look like this:

Session 1 (with one or more parent/step-parent/guardian): 

• Brief history- how did we get to where we are? 

• Where are we and what’s the impact on us? Our child? 

• Is this familiar from my own childhood?

Session 2: 

• What are my/our values here? 

• When I look back at the end of this month/year/period of time, I want to be able to say….I want my child to say….I want our relationship to look/feel like…
   

Sessions 3-6: 

• What gets in the way of me acting on these values? 

• How can I address these barriers? 

• What concrete things can I do to align my actions with my values? 

• Practice and reflect between sessions.

From here, several things might happen:

• You are more clear on your values and on your way to living your values. We high five and part ways, knowing my virtual door stays open to you

• You don’t feel there yet, but feel on the right track; you choose to continue with parenting sessions

• You are curious about your own internal world; you might choose to pursue individual therapy (with myself or someone else) to delve deeper into yourself

• It’s not quite what you needed, and we part ways, knowing my virtual door stays open to you or that you can ask me for a referral to someone else.